Divorce is a very painful experience. Even after some time has passed, the pain can be triggered back by anything that reminds you of your. It could be something as simple as hearing their favourite music on the radio. Even though things can get better with time, what you do with the time is determines how long your healing process is. Time is not the best healer, what we do with that time may be.
I once met a woman who put her life on hold for 14 years after her divorce, and was still hurting, 14 years after.If you ever going to heal your broken heart, and find the courage to love yourself and others again. You have to learn some coping skills. A coping skill is a behavioral tool for overcoming difficult situations, without correcting or eliminating the underlying cause.
So you don’t need to analyze or worry about the reason your heart got broken, to learn to feel good about yourself again. Coping skills will help you overcome emotions like anger, feeling rejected, bitterness and sadness, which usually follow a break up. If you don’t learn to control your emotions, they will control you. They will control your mood, decisions, actions habits, behavior, mentality, mindset (your way of thinking) and wellbeing.
14 Helpful Tips For Mending Your Broken Heart:
1. Acknowledge that your heart is broken. You can’t mend or change what you can’t admit. Denial is being unwilling to face the truth on either a conscious or subconscious level. Denial doesn’t make your problem go away, and it can lead to irrational thinking and fear of facing the truth. It is important to have some grieving time. It is the death of your relationship. If you refuse to acknowledge your pain, it just stays at the back of your mind, it doesn’t really go away. In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what has become known as the five stages of grief. They are as follows:
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what is going to happen/has happened.”
2. Recovery starts when you allow yourself to reconnect with your interests. And learn to cultivate and connect with joy again. When you tell yourself that it is alright to feel good again. This starts through making efforts to focus your attention from your pain to living purposefully again. Recovery doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your pain, but it means that you’re taking charge of your pain. And that your pain is not controlling you anymore, because you’ve stopped reacting to it. You have started to use your pain to motivate yourself. After a previous break up, I lost 3 stones and got fit again. Talk about getting your life back! Exercise is good because, not only does it get you fit. It allows you to release your aggression and gives you a happy buzz.
3. Your pain will eventually go away, after you take charge of it. Even though it may not be immediately. People become depressed when they don’t deal with their negative feelings. Confide in your loved one and God. Your loved ones will listen and comfort you, but God will heal you inside out, when you put your trust in him. Also pray for strength and healing (emotional, spiritual and mental): Psalm 147:3 - “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
4. Don’t look at you failed marriage as a reflection on you. The fact that your marriage failed, doesn’t make you a failure in relationships. You just haven’t met your match yet. Learn from this experience to give you a better chance next time. Were there any warning signs, with hindsight? Many things we do in life require a few efforts, before getting it right. Especially when we don’t ask for God’s guidance first.
5. Use this time of not being in a relationship as a time of self discovery and self-awareness. Get to know yourself again, and find out what makes you tick. Use this time to find out what you really want out of life. If you don’t know where you’re going, you won’t know when you get there. If you don’t know what you want, you won’t know what to pray for.
6. Try to find out what you really want in a relationship. And don’t settle for less, but keep praying till you find the right person. You can also join a prayer group: James 5:16b - “The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."
7. Develop a relationship with the Holy Spirit. When your spiritual eyes are open, you will not choose the wrong person. He can also direct and teach you how to choose the right partner: John 14:26 - “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
8. Be a friend to yourself by developing a winning mindset (way of thinking): Philippians 4:8 - “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
9. Be your own friend by always being kind to yourself. And you will attract people who will treat you nice and valuable. If you can’t treat yourself nicely, you can’t expect other people to do so.
10. Forgive yourself and your ex. Forgiveness is the doorway to any new beginning and emotional freedom. We can’t move on in life unless we forgive. Lack of forgiveness is the doorway to bitterness, anger, not getting over your ex, and depression.
11. Shift your focus from divorce to something positive. Feel your time with good and productive activities. For example volunteering, this will help you feel better about yourself, because you’re helping others. Or joining an evening class, because you will make new friends.
12. Write down a list of your strength, and post it on your wall. Look at it frequently, to remind and tell yourself that you’re lovable, and a good catch.
13. Re-invent yourself. Imagine and write down how you like to be, and become it. This is not the same as pretending. When you’re pretending, you act in a particular way but you’re thinking in another way. Pretending is doing something while telling yourself that this not who you are, you’re just acting. Re-inventing is doing something while telling yourself that this is the new you. Changing your thinking, attitude and belief to align with the new you. Imagine in your mind how someone who have these new qualities behaves, and behave in such a way. How do they walk, how do they talk. Set goals to increase your chances of sticking to these. Research shows that if you can pull off for 21 days, you will become this new person.
14. Make up and write down some positive affirmations. Read them repeatedly daily, to program yourself to feel empowered again. When we declare these affirmations with faith, it will become established: Job 22:28 - “You will also declare a thing, And it will be established for you;” Some examples of affirmation are as follows.”
I am lovableI love the real meI’m a winner
I am wonderfully and fearfully madeI am in charge of my mind.
I am a positive and confident person
Please leave a short comment by clicking the post a comment link, at the top right of this article. Your feedback means a lot to me. You can also email me as I am putting together an online community that will empower people. I will like you to become part of it, and become empowered and learn to control your feelings, instead of them controlling you.
© Copyright Henrietta Elegunde. Please feel free to distribute free of charge, but always include my details (from the resource box) below.Henrietta Elegunde is an Author, Life Coach, ordained minister and Motivational Speaker. She specializes in teaching how to cultivate spiritual, mental, physical and emotional growth, in order to achieve total wellbeing (being made whole) in your life. She is the author of the book "Hallowed Be Thy Name". For more information on how to book her for your next event, how her book can transform your life, or how to obtain free reading of part of the book; contact her by sending an email to Jumie@onetel.com
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